like, not to be the ultimate trans man or anything, but beard? lil bit of pudge? at least in the list of top 10 handsomest men ever? yes please!
This is the ideal male body. you may not like it, but this is what peak performance looks like.
i tried to add this in the message system but im on mobile so i can’t, but this is what i want to look like
Fat trans mascs and trans men are amazing. Including with more than a “lil bit of pudge.” There isn’t enough representation of fat men, trans or cis, in queer and fat positive spaces, which is why it is that much more vital that fat trans mascs exist. The more you live your life as a fat masc person, the more that other fat trans people are able to see a future for themselves too. Fat trans mascs do the world a service.
I’m pretty proud of this one, though to my own eyes it’s definitely not perfect. 6 dozen roses with leather leaf and baby’s breath. it was my first time making more than two dozen, the mistakes are clear to me but the customer liked it and i know how to do it better next time! https://www.instagram.com/p/CXKVU49Phvt0F4ugh-YZIB4yAsEmd4tJuxk2Vk0/?utm_medium=tumblr
content warning: slightly graphic third/ last slide of where the broom rubbed off a layer of skin 😅
1: video of Manzy’s second walk, the first one that was longer than 5 minutes, around the new neighborhood.
2. ??? somehow a small pill bottle became stuck to the wall behind a dresser, looking like it was levitating.
3. i didn’t realize that the carpets needed to be vacuumed before the cleaner got here, took the vacuum to the new place, only left a broom here. he’s doing me a favor by showing up early cause it’s pretty much the only time that worked for both of us. and he didn’t have a power vacuum??? but my skin will recover and the carpets will actually get clean for once before we’re out entirely.
in my nightmares, I am often stuck back in elementary school repeating all the math, or in high school where I have to repeat every class. sometimes I am at my undergrad, desperately trying to get my phd, knowing I never will (for nightmare-logic reasons).
and then, very often, like last night, I see my Manzanita, who is definitely not supposed to be at my school or in my dorm - who followed me there, somehow escaping from home, simply because she missed me. I often find her zooming around the grounds or begging random dream people for their food (they always give it to her).
I worry that she’ll wander away from me because I don’t carry a leash (even though, once I see her, I think to myself, I could have expected this! but really, I couldn’t have, because nightmares don’t often let us see potential good). She doesn’t. I worry that I’ll lose her - I don’t. I wonder if someone in my nightmare-turned-dream will protest at her presence (it is school, after all) - they don’t.
When I see her in my nightmares, it’s often a turning point, where the veil of misery, worry, and stuckness lifts and I am only grateful and happy to have such a little sneaky, stinky, silly angel in my life 🥰🖤🌟
while we scramble to find someone who can/will take my parents in, every little bit helps. please consider sharing our story. all donation sizes are welcome, from $1 and on.
i know people are tired of giving to us, and helping us, just as we are tired of having to ask. we just don’t know how else we’ll survive this.
*updates below*
i also do orchid gardens y'all! and i upgrade all kinds of plants with new pots, and various seasonal picks. it’s weird and fun and for once i actually got to touch soil today!
aaand it’s looking pretty solidly like mom and Jim are going to move in with my maternal grandpa for a little while. so I’ll be looking for a roommate situation. it’s a bit serendipitous because grandpa is in the middle of getting a bigger place, and will be ready for my parents by the end of the month, which is when we need to leave. https://www.instagram.com/p/CVoVTnvvGuuCVxWIt4PXcjdvjZpmnmVGtM9PEY0/?utm_medium=tumblr
this year’s memorial to past Kaiya and old traumas may be my last. i don’t leave my child self behind, but in the future i think I’d like to focus more on celebrating what I’ve become, how far I’ve come, rather than grieving what i never got to be in this lifetime.
this final little memorial is also pared way the hell down. i can’t really afford flowers, I’m pretty sure I’ve already packed away my old pictures of myself, and I’m not really aiming to get drunk so much as a little buzzed. my hangovers are dumb long.
but i wanted at least one last ritualized acknowledgement of all the pain and grief i have endured, for reasons far beyond my control. i wanted to mark, in some way, the general time which I’ve come to associate with my awakening, clarity, and the adulthood that was both thrust upon me too young and for which i have worked so hard to achieve for myself.
my little eyeglass case holds my weed 😁 and this will be one of the last times i smoke for some time, until we’re financially solid again.
